Mantra for simultaneous consideration:
Infinity becomes apparent as we count up and divide down. Ever larger and ever smaller. That is the reality in which we exist. This reality is our identity. In this identity we have a name. In this infinite complexity we are undefined. Named yet undefined: What do many call this?
God.
28.10.09
19.10.09
The Red Tide
The red tide was almost of my own design.
5 other people mostly strangers:
One - a great friend - a philosopher and a seer - the reverberation of indistinguishable curiosity.
One - an admirable, hilarious, mirror of the turmoil of intelligence.
Three - dancing ocean sprites who suffered the tide, who battled the gods of the sea, who protected the beauty of their realm
I've been on a journey for a few years. Always testing a new path, seemingly reaching its dead end only to find the destination completely unsatisfactory. When things become stale, I long for, lunge forth to, the comforting pain, the range of parameters I'm capable of surviving, of what it means to be human, to be a primate, a mammal, an animal, alive. All this to hopefully stake out a place in this universe where I may find joy and occasional happiness. A place with the perfect parameters - the solution to that one differential equation I don't know of yet - the one that provides us each with our own lens into reality. What is the particular solution which describes me - in my simplicity, my convergence - in my complexity, my chaos?
The red tide brought duality:
Excitement vs. disappointment.
A taste of freedom vs. the realization of imprisonment
I was surrounded by flourishing vibrant people - at a point in their lives where things are hard, confusing - holding on for survival to the steering wheel in the sharpest turn they are going to take in their life. Each had a lesson to teach and one to learn. If was a growing experience.
The brevetoxin acted not only to test my admiration of this place. It acted as the required discomfort I need to feel alive.
5 other people mostly strangers:
One - a great friend - a philosopher and a seer - the reverberation of indistinguishable curiosity.
One - an admirable, hilarious, mirror of the turmoil of intelligence.
Three - dancing ocean sprites who suffered the tide, who battled the gods of the sea, who protected the beauty of their realm
I've been on a journey for a few years. Always testing a new path, seemingly reaching its dead end only to find the destination completely unsatisfactory. When things become stale, I long for, lunge forth to, the comforting pain, the range of parameters I'm capable of surviving, of what it means to be human, to be a primate, a mammal, an animal, alive. All this to hopefully stake out a place in this universe where I may find joy and occasional happiness. A place with the perfect parameters - the solution to that one differential equation I don't know of yet - the one that provides us each with our own lens into reality. What is the particular solution which describes me - in my simplicity, my convergence - in my complexity, my chaos?
The red tide brought duality:
Excitement vs. disappointment.
A taste of freedom vs. the realization of imprisonment
I was surrounded by flourishing vibrant people - at a point in their lives where things are hard, confusing - holding on for survival to the steering wheel in the sharpest turn they are going to take in their life. Each had a lesson to teach and one to learn. If was a growing experience.
The brevetoxin acted not only to test my admiration of this place. It acted as the required discomfort I need to feel alive.
The last day. The tide is receding. I wake before dawn. My back aches, burns, rejecting the sand implanted in my burned skin. My friend graciously applies aloe vera to my back. I sit in the water watching the sun rise. I remember my mother sitting in the surf with me, me in her lap. Feeling as innocent as the day I was born, I cried.
The red tide had met me that day, and he brought with him the beauty and turmoil of freedom. And with one gentle push of a small wave, he slid up the wet sand of the beach to my feet and with a comforting embrace of salty foam, I knew that this feeling was what I needed. This state is what I needed. This was my place. This was my particular solution to the great equation. This was what my lens is designed for. This is the lighting, the focus, the stop, the filter, the film of me.
Life. Give me a red tide. And in his wake of death and paralysis, allow me the comforts of intellect. Allow me the comforts of camaraderie. Allow me humanity.
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