Growth by Creation.

I've felt an undeniably rapid growth intellectually that past month or so. I have been neglecting school religiously in order to pursue more artistic endeavors. Maybe artistic isn't the best choice of wording. Perhaps aesthetic would be a better adjective. I have been creating and experiencing, experiencing and creating: sharing things with people I have recently connected with. I feel that with every small thing I create, I add a new dimension to the concept of myself. As I manipulate the things around me, I manipulate my own point of view. I realize at this time in my life I am changing rapidly. I feel confident saying that those who believe people change more slowly as adults, nearly to zero change, are completely wrong. I wake up feeling like a new person every day. I feel like a stranger stares at me in the mirror. I find myself carrying conversations with myself from an outsider's perspective - testing the waters as to who is awake and active today. Not to say I feel vastly dissociated from myself, more amused at my ability to reprogram myself so quickly.

My responsibilities taunt me subconsciously. Tasks must be completed. Grades must be satisfactory. It all seems so ridiculous. I haven't the slightest clue who I will wake up as tomorrow. Why the hell am I devoting so much time to this? To be a cog in the economic system of the US? I know I have to feed and clothe myself. I know I need medical care. Why can't I be productive in my own ways and reap the benefits? I suppose I can. This most certainly will be an option I will keep open. Regardless of what I do, I suppose I'll never go hungry.

Intellectual growth has never put food on a table, I guess. It's time I figure out how to integrate functionality with this growth.